For a long time, I felt like optimistic people were annoying. I would roll my eyes at those who would respond in a cheerful way when something went wrong. I just wanted someone to tell me that it was ok to not be ok and that I didn’t have to think positively about all the negative things in my life. So I lived by the mantra “it’s ok to not be ok” for a while, but it turned into a mindset of negativity and prevented me from enjoying my life as much as I wanted. Recently, I started wondering why I didn’t feel my best. Aside from family issues, work, and school, I started to question why I was unhappy living a life so full of privilege and opportunity.

Not too long ago, I was driving home from a volleyball practice on the beach. I was on the Pacific Coast Highway looking at the sunset above the ocean. I stopped at a red light and that’s when the “what-if” thoughts crept in and an old feeling in my stomach returned. I thought to myself not again, annoyed for feeling anxious about family issues that were going on at the time when there was a sunset right next to me. Something hit me - something people have told me before, but it was the kind of thing that I needed to realize myself to understand. I thought: I’m just going to allow myself to be happy and enjoy the sunset.

A year ago I would have gagged in disgust for telling myself something so positive sounding. I have always been a realist, but I never thought of myself as a negative person. My mindset, living life in an “it’s ok to not be ok” way, prevented me from enjoying things that I could have because I was so focused on all the things that were not ok. I’m still reminding myself that just because one thing in my life is not going great, that doesn’t have to mean everything else is needs to be awful, too. One bad aspect of your life does not need to prevent you from enjoying other aspects.

After I said that one sentence to myself, I took it to heart. I told my anxiety to go away - something that took years of practice to work (so don’t feel discouraged if telling your anxiety or negative thoughts to go away does not work at first) - I turned up the music, and I stared at the sunset until the light turned green. 

That small moment in the car made me reflect on myself. It’s not bad to be a realist; I will always be one, but when realism turns into negativity, it could start to limit your ability to enjoy things and people despite their imperfections. So maybe this new mindset I’m trying out isn’t exactly positivity, but it’s allowing me to be happy and enjoy the things I want to enjoy. So, yes, it’s ok to not be ok; but don’t let that mindset get in the way of enjoying all that you want.

Art For Mental Health